Today the country faces the biggest threat to American democracy of my lifetime, and I am by no means convinced we will make the right decision.
The dog whistles Republicans have been using for years have finally called in their quarry, in the form of a man who started his campaign by calling Mexicans rapists and criminals, and advocates banning people from country based on their religion. The KKK has naturally endorsed him, and he has brought to light the racist underbelly of the internet - the swastika-wielding, Pepe the Frog misusing, Trump-loving bigots that divide their time between sites like Breitbart and Stormfront.
The man himself is a worthy leader for his supporters. Donald Trump started by using his rich dad's money to become a mediocre businessman with an undeservedly huge ego. He's made money, but not nearly as much as if he had just invested that money in an index fund. (And he could have avoided all those bankruptcies that cost people jobs, too.) He used his money to subsequently start his "charitable" foundation, to get him access to places he wanted to be (like beauty pageant contestants' dressing rooms where he would walk in unannounced so he could see them naked), get him stuff he wanted (like when he used charity funds to buy himself a Tim Tebow autograph, and ridiculous portraits of himself), and inflate his cult of personality. Trump stopped contributing to his Foundation - he hasn't given it a cent since 2008 - but he uses other people's money to MAKE MONEY FROM THE CHARITY. He contributed $150,000 of other people's money to the Palm Beach Police Foundation, in exchange for which he gets to host their annual gala honoring him at Mar-A-Lago, for which he is paid over $200,000. The Police Foundation gives HIM more money than his Foundation gives them.
When he gets into trouble, he makes sure he never takes the fall. Building construction didn't go as planned? Don't pay the contractors, and use high-powered lawyers to exhaust their funding and force them to abandon their claim on their hard-earned money. Lost nearly a billion dollars in a single year on stupid business deals? Send the bill to the federal government. The Florida Attorney General is deciding whether to investigate the university you created to scam desperate students out of their remaining money? Bribe her with a campaign donation, and it all goes away!
Wait, did a journalist figure out what a huge pile of human excrement you've been? Well sue them! Did a comedian say that because you've indulged in a racist quest to discredit President Obama that you should have to show your birth certificate to prove your father wasn't an orangutan? Sue him too! Sue everybody, call libel and slander, and wipe your orange ass with the First Amendment.
And that's not even mentioning the way this guy treats women. That's not just the sexual assault accusers (12 by my last count, could be more by now!) He has a rich history of demeaning, insulting, horribly sexist behavior towards women. He's cheated on all three of his wives, brags about sexual assault, calls women pigs and dogs and disgusting, and then expects the female half of the country to shut up and take it.
But wait, there's more. Trump never released his tax returns, breaking 40 years of accepted bipartisan behavior by a presidential candidate, and there's reason to believe there are MANY things on those returns that would disqualify him from serving by themselves. This guy is so in bed with Russia he can see Sarah Palin from his bedroom. Putin has endorsed Trump. Kim Jong Un has endorsed Trump. ISIS is rooting for Donald Trump. They want America to be a weak, chaotic nation that has no leadership and continues to drive itself into destitution and decline.
When he talks about HOW he's supposedly going to "make America great again", he speaks in platitudes and generalities, assuring you things will be "terrific" and "tremendous." He avoids questions where he'd have to demonstrate any real knowledge of the subject, usually instead going on the attack. Did I mention that this guy has never held an elected office in his LIFE? Remember how there was such an argument about how Barack Obama couldn't possibly have enough EXPERIENCE to run the nation? There are babies being born right now that have EXACTLY THE SAME amount of government experience as Donald Trump.
On the other side we have Hillary Clinton. And yes, she's not perfect. But unlike Trump, she doesn't pretend to be. She's a sane, competent leader with plenty of experience as a Secretary of State and Senator, and a unique view on the real demands of the nation's highest office. She may not have been your choice in the primaries (she wasn't mine either.) She may not agree with you 100% on your pet project. But she will capably run this country, she will deal with our allies and enemies from a place of strength and knowledge, she will build and expand on the good things President Obama was able to accomplish, she will defend Americans' rights and liberties, and she will maintain America's place in the world.
A vote for Jill Stein is a vote for Donald Trump. A vote for Gary Johnson is a vote for Donald Trump. Not voting is a vote for Donald Trump. And a vote for Donald Trump is a vote for the end of America as we know it.
I've been doing private entries every day for the last four months.
Taking the drastic step of dedicating my Livejournal to Actual Journaling has been helpful for me in a number of ways. As the first season of Serial points out, you rarely have an idea of what the hell you did on a given day that may only be a couple of weeks ago, but it's insurmountably worse when you try to figure it out months or years later. Writing a daily Captain's Log style journal entry helps me get daily events out of my head and into my mind's external hard drive so they are not lost to the ages.
Most of what I write about is mundane (work, food, politics,) and I feel like I could easily share a lot of that as Friends Only posts if not Public, but I worry that if I put any sort of filter on myself it will not be as useful as it could be, and it could be discouraging moving forward. That said, I miss interacting with people, so I want to start sharing certain thoughts with a marginally bigger audience.
Here's one for starters - It seems pretty late in life to come to the basic realization that caffeine keeps me on my toes while beer slows me down, but that's exactly what I'm confirming these days.
Our trivia team normally consists of me and Chris, her Dad and his partner, bringing two generations of knowledge together for a winning (well, placing at least) combination. But they called out sick tonight, and Chris and I were on our own. Even with our two-person team, we still managed to snag 2nd place, plus we were awarded some "beer money" for having the host's favorite team name of the night. (Rutherford B. Trippin' for the win.) While it's certainly not the only factor, drinking a bunch of tea and abstaining from beer for the night kept me invigorated, sharp and on task.
Thinking about this night compared with my subdued showing at KamiCon @midnight last weekend (more on that tomorrow), I now know that when I need to perform, whether in the case of a trivia game, public appearance, or otherwise, I need to caffeinate in order to bring it. The role of alcohol is less clear - maybe when I'm tempted to give in to Abrupt Introversive Gopoofery and abandon conversations it could serve to take the edge off, but it's also possible that I'd remain a non-participant in the conversation because my default buzzed state is pleased complacency.
Historically, I've known that patience is not one of my virtues. But lately I've had to reconsider that, and realize that it's a statement that requires further qualification.
I have very little patience for situations and groups. I have a lot of patience with individuals.
For example, I am very much known for cursing at traffic, cursing at my computer, getting antsy while waiting in line for anything, and flipping my shit when I spill something and subsequently have to clean it up.
But when it comes to individual people, I can have patience that seems endless. When I was in 2nd grade I worked extensively to help out an intellectually disabled kid get through his work, and didn't know I was doing anything special until a teacher thanked me for it. These days, I accept friends as they are and easily brush past any failings or personality quirks they may have. My patience with the people I work with, some of whom have language barriers and others of whom suffer from general incompetence, is so strong that my boss sent me a photo comment of Saint Nicholas after seeing one of my recent interactions.
What this tells me, generally, is that I need to keep in mind the human element in the things that piss me off. Every car out there on the road is another individual, and while some of them are legitimately bad drivers, the vast majority are just trying to get to their destinations, like me. Situations can often not be helped, but they're almost always the result of human decisions and activity, and they can at least be understood and identified with. Including when I very humanly fail to put the filter in and the coffeemaker spills out all over the kitchen floor.
I'm sure whoever invented the snooze alarm thought they were doing humanity a favor, but much like the escalator and the pancake-wrapped sausage on a stick, this creation ends up doing way more harm than any possible good that may have originally been envisioned.
It's a vile construct that exchanges 9 minutes of false promises for each half-asleep stumble you take to blindly smack at the thing. Your subconscious is notoriously a terrible haggler, and it's willing to make that exchange because it believes the - again, 9 minutes - of extra sleep are worth the trouble.
But your subconscious, let's call it Subby for short, forgot to factor in a few things.
First up, there's the cost of extraction. Being pulled out of the sleep state, particularly if you're on a nice REM trip, is a traumatic experience. And not just because you won't get to enjoy the endless room full of nakedness, cake, or whatever it was you were dreaming about (naked cake?). It's just generally an unpleasant event every time you have to wake up when your body isn't ready to. And let's face it, if you were ready to get up, you wouldn't be using an alarm clock.
Secondly, that 9 minutes of sleep isn't the kind of blissful, comfortable sleep that Subby bargained for. It's the shitty kind. It's the kind you get when you were woken up a few minutes ago by a noise that sounds like somebody hitting a baby with a cat.
And if you're like me, your subconscious makes that bargain over and over, because it's too stupid to remember how shittily it worked out when he did it 9 minutes ago. I have literally spent 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon getting up every 9 minutes to hit that fucking snooze alarm. And then I wonder why I feel like shit later in the day.
So what do you do about a problem like the snooze alarm? You could say, “Well, screw that thing! I'm not going to use it anymore. I quit!” Right?
Not so easy. Old Subby is not the type that readily accommodates change. Even if you're able to regain enough consciousness to resist the urge to set that snooze alarm and just get up, you end up losing the battle when it comes to escaping the call of the covers, and that can be even more disastrous than signing up for another 9 minutes of sleep blueballs.
Ultimately you're left with getting a clock with no snooze, prying the button off with a screwdriver, or just not giving a shit and sleeping until you damn well feel like it. And while a lot of us would choose option C, it doesn't sound very good when your boss asks you why you're late for work.
I have this recurring fantasy of going back in my own timeline to get a second chance at things. There's a lot of crap from my teens and twenties that I'd like to get a do-over for, and things that I figured out later in life that I'd love to have gotten started on earlier. I go through these scenarios for different points that I could jump back into my life, thinking about what possibilities I'd have if I jumped into me circa 1997, for example, versus me circa 2001. The amount of knowledge I'd be able to carry with me is a huge wildcard, and if I were able to make changes, I'd also need some way of guaranteeing I'd still be able to end up with my wife and build relationships with the tiny group of close friends I have today. I'm a completely different person today than I was then (though overall I'd say a much better one,) so it's hard to say how things would develop.
Honestly, it's a pretty stupid rabbit hole to fall into. I'm doing better right now than I have at any point in my life and going back would force me to suffer through some hardships until I cheated my way into riches using my future-knowledge. It's likely my perfectionism that forces me to constantly consider all the ways things could have gone better, so I lay awake at night thinking about that instead of considering that my life actually turned out pretty fucking good and going to sleep.
I do a reasonable job of living in the present, until moments like this hit. I'd love to give up this dwelling on the past and exchange it for looking forward to the future, which unfortunately seems to be in short supply for me lately.